


As Before

by OtherCrazyThing



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: M/M, Songfic, Trench Era, angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-07
Updated: 2019-03-07
Packaged: 2019-11-13 09:37:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18029240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OtherCrazyThing/pseuds/OtherCrazyThing
Summary: The tour has started and Tyler thinks that nothing changed





	As Before

**Author's Note:**

> English is not my native language, so please feel free to point out any mistakes - whether it's a tense, spelling or a weird choice of words

The crowd is buzzing. Mark and Michael and Brad are there. Jenna is there too. And Josh. They are far away and so close, mixed with the strangers, with the crowd, which is demanding, hungry. The crowd which wants him - his flesh and bones, and all his feelings, and all his words. His words in which he enclosed so much and which are not his any more. They are theirs. And they want more. They want to tear him in pieces and get a bloody bite of happiness. They want to reach out and touch him, warm and alive.

Tyler shakes his head. Puts his palm on the face, scratches the cheeck. God, he is trembeling. Because of excitement and mischievous desire to give away everything that was sacred once and now became so trival. But that's okay. He always wanted that, didn't he? Or did he want the words which sparked out of his notebook, were his only? Or did he want these words tattoed into somebody's skin, interpreted in the strange ways, used for the video game commercial? Did he want that? Really?

He clenches his teeth. Enough. No regrets. Now he is here and he has to work. Work hard. Soon the days will melt into one, he won't understand if there is the sun or the moon in the sky. He'll become someone who rips his throat apart, screams the words to the music. People will scream along, ecstatic, dying of euphoria - because of him and the words he's written once.

Before coming out onto the stage he meets Josh's gaze and can't look away. Oh, god, here we go again. How is that still possible? Or it can be explained by a simple chemical formula? Tyler's read that people attract to the people whose smell they like. Like, there are some receptors in the nose which pull the trigger of falling in love. Chemistry, that simple. And now Tyler is looking at Josh, and something is clicking in his brain, producing the hormone. Then it absorbs into the blood, running through his veins and by the moment Tyler breathes out, that hormone reaches his heart and explodes, recreating all the feelings that were experienced before.

"You okay?" asks Josh, looking away. Who knows what hormone is running in his veins?

"Nervous," confides Tyler and gulps.

"Me too. But we'll do that, everything will be alright," Josh nods. "As before."

"Yeah," something underneath his skin starts to vibrate, happy hormones morph into quick-acting poison. "As before," he echoes.

Everything is alright. As before indeed, to some extent - he is jumping around the stage as if he is weightless. He sings and he screams, giving away everything he has, both bad and good. He morphes into somebody else when he is standing under those neon lights, which cut the darkness into hundreds sharp pieces.

There is Mark and Brad and Jenna as well.

Josh is next to him and Tyler throws his hand over his shoulders. Feels his hot moist skin. Not now, please, Tyler begs silently, not now.

They head to the backstage. Tyler follows Josh, slowing down the pace. He tries to trick his brain, its impulses which are running wildly through his body, which already obsessed him.

Well, maybe he should study Medicine after all.

The door closed with a click and Tyler takes that as a sign from above. He turns slowly. Josh doesn't move as if he is frozen. As if he is waiting for the avalanche to go down on him.

Tylers kisses him. His lips are cold and salty and Josh doesn't respond. Tyler kisses him again, pulls the upper lip into his mouth hungrily and clenches into Josh's T-shirt, dragging him closer.

"Please, don't," Josh whispers and wraps his fingers around Tyler's wrist.

"Please," Tyler stops short and after a second moves in on. "I know I forget you but we'll catch up" he mumbles, pressing his forehead to Josh's. "I'll catch up, I promise"

"Tyler," Josh shakes his head. "Stop it."

Tyler freezes. Something cold and sticky slides down between his shoulder blades.

"I'm sorry. I... just," he takes two steps backwards. "It's just... I thought everything was, like, as before."

"Not between us," Josh answers calmly. "We can't. And you know that."

"Yeah," Tyler nods. "Yes, you are right. I'll try to control myself."

"And I'll control myself," says Josh and Tyler watches him carefully.

God, when is that going to stop? He is so tired of his own weakness, of getting coming and going. They are close but not together. Today, tomorrow, till the end of their music career. But maybe accidenatal hand brushing in this reality is better than illusions which make Tyler feel miserable. Sometimes he is terrified by the idea that he'd never touch Josh again.

He stretch out his hand, and Josh takes it. Instead of shaking it, Tyler leans down and kisses the knuckles. Josh breathes out convulsively and squeezes Tyler's fingers.

"Take care," says Tylers quietly and heads to the door.

Adrenalin dies slowly in his veins. Tyler is still trembeling but with every step it's getting better. The muscles start to relax. He walks away cherishing hope that one day everything will fall into place. Everything will be alright, as before. One day he will be forgotten, the lyrics of his songs once tattoed into somebody's skin will fade away. He'll come into the sunlit house, hug Josh and never be afraid of tearing apart.

**Author's Note:**

> Well, actually that is a translation from Russian /o\ I haven't done it for a while, and honestly, to me it looks weird in English O_o (why have I done it at all?) Anyway Happy Spring!


End file.
